Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Renewed Energy

Nearly a year later and I'm finally coming back around. I put off writing for far too long simply because I was dealing with the reality that what I had to say wasn't funny. And let's be honest, humor is my way of life. But, as I begin to turn over a new leaf and overcome my own self-defeating habits, I'm going to write. Funny or not.

This year has been tremendous for me. I have undergone transformation in nearly all four corners of my life. And with transformation creeps an opportunity to renew perspective.

And did I ever need renewed perspective.

The impetus for change is discomfort. When I realized I was uncomfortable in my own skin, deficient of energy and love for life, I knew a change was a must. So that's what I did. I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath, and I did what I needed to in order to capture what I was slowly losing of myself. And you know what is the most fucked up reality of finding yourself? You lose things. You lose people. You lose time. Some days, you manage to even lose yourself. Despite the loss, the overachiever and dormant optimist within told me to keep going.

And so I did.

I peeled myself from the slippery slope I occupied and gained control again. I lost weight. I took long drives alone. I put me at the top of my list. I sorted through the guilt I felt for the changes I'd made. Most of all, I healed the wounds I didn't realize I had, most of which I brought upon myself. I forgave. And as I finally felt whole again, I found a life and love so savory and sweet, I often fail to find words adequate enough to describe the fulfillment in my heart.

It's a quaint place to stand with lungs and heart brimming with life. I can't recommend it highly enough. I look forward to the growth I continue to pursue in knowing myself more deeply, loving without conditions, and giving to others while keeping a reserve for myself.

Koral with a K